Soooo yes. My bible and Starbucks Venti Caramel Macchiato had a lovely incident last week.
Exactly a week ago I was spending the day with a friend feeling completely comfortable. Nothing felt “off” and I wasn’t really worried about anything.
That night I walked into church for High School Ministry, and immediately the attacks began. I felt anxious, depressed, and alone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, felt like I was suffocating, and had no clue what was wrong with me.
I tried to sit through everything and just “get through the night.” But I ended up walking out to sit on the steps for a while.
“What is wrong with me right now? I was completely fine earlier. Had none of these feelings, then all of a sudden…”
Something I used to do when I started coming to Faith Church was say “No” to things if God and I were off. If I hadn’t been spending a ton of time with Him lately, I’d sense it. So I’d politely turn down trips to Applebee’s with friends so that I could go home and refocus myself on my Savior.
Lately, I’ve started to wonder why I don’t do that anymore.
So last Sunday night I told my co-leader Mary I wasn’t in a good mental state and had to leave. I went home to spend time with Jesus, and immediately the peace started to flow.
As I prayed, I felt comfort. As I tried to discern, I felt guidance. As I processed, I felt answers. I heaved a sigh of relief. I wasn’t broken or lost, I was just wandering and trying to get back to my Father.
I went to bed that night, excited, starting to feel like my old self again. The Ariane that used to be so focused on the Lord, that when things came her way, she endured them with the strength of the Lord.
The next morning I woke up at 5:30am, excited for the day. I had a free Starbucks drink and my plan was to get my Venti Caramel Macchiato, go back to my apartment, read the Word, spend time with the Lord, then begin my work day. I couldn’t wait.
Then, somehow, some way that I can’t even tell you… I managed to drop my Venti Carmel Macchiato, INTO my church bag. Frantic, I grabbed the cup too hard, making the lid pop off, spilling the contents of my coffee all over my bible, journal, and pencil pouch.
I was furious.
Semi because my coffee had spilled, but mostly because I had been SO excited to get back to reading the Word, and then the Lord let me FREAKING SPILL MY COFFEE ALL OVER MY BIBLE.
Now, I’m talking, ripped pages, can’t read the words, or “that page is never coming apart from this page” kind of damage.
I was furious. Furious! I have never said more nasty things to the Lord than that morning. I couldn’t believe it. Honestly, I don’t even know who that person was because it was awful [which I definitely later repented for].
That night, I went out and bought a new bible.
Here’s the funny part.
I’ve been itching to buy a new bible recently. I’ve wanted an NLT Study Bible for a little while now because I like that version, and I get frustrated with myself that I don’t know the fullness of the Word because I can’t remember certain things. I just wasn’t going to buy one until I had read through my old one entirely. Why buy a new bible when I have a perfectly good one already? Well…
So that night, I bought one.
I opened it up for the first time last night to read Acts 1 because… well… the end of John and Acts 1 are stuck together forever and I can’t read Acts 1 in my old Bible anymore…
And I fell in love with my new bible. It is rich with history, maps, and knowledge [which was my word for last month]. Everything I’ve been craving because I LOVE history, right at my fingertips. I am filled with so much joy right now. So much excitement to learn more and more and more. I can’t wait to dive more into the Word.
Dropping my Starbucks coffee onto my old bible was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Because the Lord has been hearing the cry of my heart for the past few months, and He answered my prayers. I’ve been craving more of Him. I’ve been craving more knowledge. More understanding. I’ve been craving self-control [my word for this month]. And He provided all of those things in this new bible. Which I wouldn’t have bought unless I wrecked my previous one.
I just have to chuckle, because the Lord doesn’t always answer our prayers how we hope or think He will. But He certainly is creative, and definitely grabs our attention.
So thank you, Lord. And I’m still really sorry about all those nasty things I said to You… Thank you for being loving, gracious, and merciful. Thank you for forgiving me, hearing the cry of my heart, and delivering me.