A few days ago I started writing another blog about bulimia. I just felt like it was time to revisit it, because I think it’s important to talk about from time to time.
I didn’t really know what to say, so I wrote a few things down, and then stopped because I felt like I wasn’t really saying anything at all.
Then the Lord brought it up again, and showed me that it’s time to talk about it a little more.
So I think I’d like to share what my take on bulimia is, and what I’ve learned from my story.
For context, you can read my first two blogs about it:
My confession of bulimia – HERE
Six months bulimia free – HERE
Let me first start by saying, I am obviously not a doctor and that this is just my opinion. It’s what the Lord has taught me through my own journey, and although I pray this impacts at least one person, I realize that there are different extremes and everyone is on a different journey.
But, I still think the root of it all is the same.
So here’s what I learned from mine.
First – God created man and woman. He created them in His own image. God is perfect. He has no flaws or wrongdoings. Thus, mankind was made without flaw in the Garden.
Second – The devil is our enemy because we are God’s children. The devil is under God’s authority. He is an enemy of God. And since he will never be able to defeat God (Jesus came and conquered the grave of sin and death, both things from the devil), the enemy messes with God’s children. The enemy wants to try and do anything to get God’s children to look away from Him and focus on anything else.
Third – God is a Creator. The devil is not. The devil is not creative. If you go through the Bible, you’ll find your sins and struggles existed long before you. The devil has not changed his tactics since the world began. He still messes with people in the exact.same.ways. He knows money, relationships, rejection, fear, comparison, complacency, doubt, beauty, food, material things, etc… will get God’s children to look away from God. So he continues to use the same tactics. The devil is not creative.
Fourth – Since the Garden when the devil got Eve to focus on THE LITERAL ONE THING SHE COULDN’T HAVE, the devil has been using that same tactic on us. He gets us to focus on what we don’t have yet, or what we want, to distract us and stop looking at God. The devil is not creative.
Fifth – Since man and woman were created in the Garden in the image of God, and God is flawless, the world that God intended for us was not filled with sin and struggles. God is a provider, a healer, a lover, a Father… He is good. So when bad things happen or we struggle with hard things, those are not of God. They are of the enemy getting us to focus on anything except God.
When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows.
Sixth – Since every good and perfect gift is from ABOVE, then anything else is not from above. Thus, thoughts of imperfection and unworthiness, are from the enemy.
I truly believe that bulimia is the devil messing with our minds and our thoughts. He is literally warping our eyesight to see things that are not true, as though they are reality.
Let me give you an example.
When I was freed from bulimia, the Lord gave me a new pair of eyes to see through. And it showed me how inaccurate my eyesight had been before.
Here’s a picture someone took of me recently.
What I see now through my new pair of eyes. A hilarious picture of me “posing with my husband” in the name of Jesus. Hoping he’ll become real man soon lol I see joy and laughter. Yeah maybe not my best angle, but eh, who cares. It’s a fun picture and I look happy, so I posted it after a fun day with friends.
What my bulimic eyes would’ve seen. A horrible, ugly picture that makes me look fat. Ugh, that angle is terrible for my face and it looks soooo round, ugly, and fat. And look at my arm! SO HUGE. I am such a fattie. Why are you so disgusting, Ariane. Lose some weight, gosh darn it. You’re so gross.
Whew. I had to take a moment to pray over myself and praise God that those thoughts would not actually return. I literally don’t see myself through that lens anymore, so I want to be careful about giving the enemy a gateway for this attacks again.
Anyways, when struggling with bulimia, all I could see were my flaws. It was almost impossible for me to ever see the beauty behind the “flaws.” And seriously, WHAT FLAWS. The world tells us we HAVE to look a certain way in order to be accepted or considered beautiful. What bull crap.
Seriously, who literally flipping cares if your arms are or are not a little skinnier than they are now, or your face is a little thinner. How is a little extra flab on your body harming anyone else? It’s not!
Ugh. I get so mad about these things.
The devil had control of my mind. He would warp my eyesight so I could not see the beauty God had created within me, but instead, could only see what God had not given me in looks. And because that’s all I could focus on, I became distracted from God. I believed those lies to be reality, when in fact, they were not.
I was not actually fat. I was not actually ugly. People didn’t look at me and say “Wow. Ariane. Your arms… yikes…” I was making it up in my head the whole time! And it was based around a lie society told me that I had to eat a cheeseburger instead of a salad, and still remain a certain weight. Because woman have to be it all and the impossible is expected of them. So many man-made double standards.
The enemy is a deceiver. He is a liar. He is a distracter.
God is a God of truth and light and love.
Seventh – If you are struggling with something that does not fall under the category of who God is, then it is not of Him and it needs to be cast out in the name of Jesus.
God is a God of freedom. He literally sent His one and only Son to come die FOR US so that WE COULD BE FREE. God desires FREEDOM. FOR YOU. Yes you!!
“If you can?” Said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, He rebuked the impure spirit, “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said,” I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”
Jesus has freedom in store for you. And sometimes it’s hard to believe that actual freedom can come. Especially if you’ve been struggling for something for so long.
But in times when you’re just not sure if God’s words are words for you, pray this prayer. “Lord, I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief.”
God deserves all glory and praise. He delights in giving good things to His children because our testimonies of Him give Him so much glory.
And it starts with realizing that the enemy never wins the war. He makes us fight battles, yes. And battles are tough. But they are a training ground and produce perseverance.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
And when we fight in those battles, trusting, and knowing that our God is a conquerer, which makes us MORE than conquerers, then we are reminded how small the devil actually is. When we acknowledge that the lies in our head are actually from an enemy trying to do anything he can to distract us from God, we win. Because he is a deceiver, and we caught him. Which immediately takes away some of his power.
Hear me say this. Recovery is not an instantaneous journey. But it is not an impossible journey. There are battles to fight and wars to win, but our God wins the war. He fights at our side and fights our battles. He doesn’t leave us alone to “figure it out.”
He delights when we cry out to Him, asking, begging, pleading for help. And as we draw nearer to Him, He draws nearer to us.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder or with anything in general, seek help. The devil loves when we keep things in the dark, because then he can convince us that we are alone and that no one cares and that recovery is impossible. But when we bring it into the light, the devil loses some of his power, because the Lord is in the Light.
If you need help, ask. Please. You are not in this alone.