If you don’t follow my instagram @LyricsOfAChristianGirl – here’s what I wrote on a post yesterday:
“I’ve been feeling very lost lately. When caring friends hear my broken and lost heart they ask “Well what do you want to do to glorify Him?”
And right now my answer is “I don’t know. I’ve lost my passions, my desires, my direction.”
But I know one thing. I want to return back into His embrace and only His. Because it’s within His arms that I feel safe, protected, loved, and filled.
“Never stop praising me” was something He spoke to me in the fall, and those words keep coming back.
I praise Him most when I’m reading scripture, and I find joy in encouraging others in Him. So I think I’m going to just start posting these praises of mine, in hopes they can encourage at least one person daily.
I’m excited for this journey and how He whispers through His scriptures.”
Today’s post was too long for Instagram, so I decided to elaborate on here.
Lord thank you that you are not slow in keeping your promises, as some understand slowness. You are patient with me, not wanting anyone to perish, but for everyone to come to repentance.
Sometimes I wonder “What if Jesus had come back during XYZ season of my life… what would have happened to me?”
And it makes me even more thankful that He is so so incredibly gentle, and patient with me.
About a year and a half ago, the Lord and I started putting things into “a suitcase.” This was a concept introduced to me by my sweet friend, Lindsay. The concept was simple: When there’s a lot going on and it seems like there is too much to handle, put them all into a suitcase for Jesus to carry for you.
At the time, the Lord was revealing a lot of things I needed to grow in. It felt like I could do nothing right, and we had so much to work on. I was overwhelmed. “Where do we even begin…”
So instead of trying to work on everything at the same time, He would reveal something new to me, and then we’d put them into a suitcase.
Not because I was trying to hide them all away and never face them. I wanted to grow and learn. I wanted to face these things. But I didn’t know where to begin. So I trusted that in HIS perfect timing, He would take them out one by one and we’d work on them in His wisdom.
This has been such a blessing on this journey.
This morning I had a moment of, “Is this a test identical to the one I failed the last time? Where you asked – Which will you choose, me, or that desire?” At the time, I unfortunately failed this test when I chose my desire over Him (and in a plot twist surprising to no one, it didn’t work out so well for me).
But this morning I realized, I am now choosing Him.
Because of the suitcase and all we’d walked through, I now have more strength than ever before to choose Him and not my other idols or desires. If it’s a competition between God and something else, God should always win. Unfortunately, sometimes He doesn’t in our hearts.
But this time, I was choosing Him. And I realized it was because of His gracious, loving, and perfect timing that this “test” seemed easier. Everything He had taken out of the suitcase over the past year and a half and worked on with me, had been purposeful in the journey back to this exact test. He was giving me another chance to see where my loyalty was placed, but not without some preparation first.
When we fail He doesn’t just leave us where we’re at, He graciously comforts us, teaches us, and allowed us a chance to learn. Peter, who wrote this scripture after denying Christ 3x, should know this better than anyone else.
I didn’t want to choose anything else but Him the last time… but back then I was too scared to trust Him in His grace and love and mercy. But this time, I wanted Him and only Him. He is worth my trust.
Lord, thank you for not being slow in keeping your promises. Thank you for being patient with us even when we don’t deserve it. Thank you for lovingly growing us and teaching us so that we can all come to repentance, which is what you wanted in the first place.