Today, I cried when I realized it’s my last day of being 27.
I’ve never cried over turning a year older. It was always “Thank goodness, *insert next age* is going to be even better.”
But today I don’t feel that way. Not that I don’t trust 28 (although if I’m being completely honest I prefer odd numbers over even…), but it’s bittersweet saying goodbye to 27.
I keep a 5-year memory book, and two years ago I decided to start writing prayers each day instead of writing out a boring list of things I did.
It’s indescribable being able to look back on those prayers.
Last year, on my birthday, here’s what I wrote:
June 11, 2018 – “Let this be the year you surprise me with something huge. Take my breath away with your goodness.”
I wish I could accurately put into words how true that prayer has come to be. He has surprised me in ways I never thought possible. Ways that have brought me to tears at His goodness.
I think that’s why I’m grieving year 27 – because this was the year of so many prayers being answered. So many miracles happening right before my eyes. So much of God’s faithfulness was revealed.
So I’d like to honor year 27.
This was the year:
- I honored my 6 months of intentional singleness, despite temptations to break it.
- I experienced what it felt like to dance before my Lord in worship without judgement.
- God transformed my view on motherhood, and I eventually thought to ask HIM, “Lord, do YOU want me to have kids?”
- I relearned God’s voice through obedience and scripture.
- Dust was blown away and pain slowly started to diminish.
- God used me to speak life into other people when they were hurting.
- “Expectant” was born.
- I learned about attachment styles and being an Enneagram 8.
- I still chose singleness after my intentional 6 months of singleness was up, because the temptations just didn’t feel quite right. And it’s okay to feel that way.
- I felt God was up to something in terms of preparing me for something within the high school ministry.
- I watched as God provided exactly that thing within the high school ministry.
- I celebrated my roomie getting married.
- I rejoiced at a friend’s pregnancy.
- A General Manager came back into my market at work, and we actually had a team attending BoosterU with our very own flag. I’d been waiting four years for that.
- I enjoyed many a game night with friends.
- I prayed constantly for freedom, and freedom came in surprising ways.
- I started running again.
- I learned how to drive stick.
- I completed a puzzle.
- My family saw “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” on Broadway and it was magical.
- I watched college soccer games with Dad.
- God whispered “Never stop praising me,” and the theme of praise still continues to this day.
- Went boxing at midnight.
- I asked for a new heart.
- My friends and I went to the Renaissance Faire and it was secretly one of my favorite days.
- Weird coincidences happened but I didn’t tack on “So that must mean” like I have in the past. I questioned, I praised, and then I let it go.
- A school client prophesied over me and it was crazy timing.
- I experienced a co-ed Bible Study for the first time and loved it.
- I ran a very hilly 1/2 marathon in New Hampshire and had a fun weekend with friends.
- Attended a Penn State game.
- I did a “Praise Challenge” and multiple friends participated. Months later, I also found out the challenge reached the Philippines, and that’s pretty cool.
- My friends prayed for freedom over me and a 7 year addiction. I was freed.
- November 10th couldn’t have been weirder, but also praiseworthy. Two painful things from my past escalated on this day, and yet there was so much to praise in how far I’d come since those stories were written.
- Had sleepovers with our HS girls.
- Played cello and handbells in a handbell concert at my parents church and took them to OWowCow afterward for ice cream.
- Brought in the New Year in another state.
- Signed up to aim for running 2,019 miles with a friend this year.
- Prayers for restoration were answered.
- Had roomie “This is Us” dates nights as neighbors.
- Saw “Joan” at the Fillmore in Philly.
- Had two high school students forgive huge things and got to rebuild relationships with them (and one with her son!)
- Praised for tears of sorrow, loss, and grief. Praised that feeling these things is okay.
- Praised for a month of healing, no matter how painful.
- Praised for a family that loves me, and can laugh hysterically at how my brother needed to coach me on how to make pancakes.
- Was asked to go on a missions trip in December.
- I found ways to merge what I’ve learned at my full-time job at Booster with my part-time job at church. How cool is that, Lord.
- I had breakthrough as a PD when I travelled to visit another PD in Minnesota.
- I watched my mom be celebrated for 25 years of dance at the college where she founded the dance department.
- My family booked a vacation instead of a camping trip for the first time ever.
- I had my first prophetic dream about a co-worker.
- My brothers in Christ sent me chocolate covered strawberries on Valentine’s Day.
- I learned how to actually rest and take Saturday as a real Sabbath.
- I got sun poisoning for the first time ever, and then ran a Disney Princess Half Marathon the next day. It was miserable haha
- I visited my grandparents.
- I found a church that I absolutely love. The teaching is incredible.
- I committed to another full year at Booster.
- My team and I filmed a “Booster Update” video at the Rocky Steps.
- Attended a not so great women’s conference, but had a great time with the women I was with.
- Took a few more private cello lessons, and completely transformed my cello with new strings etc.
- Struggled with questions like “am I not worthy enough?”
- Saw 2Cellos perform with my dad.
- My first high school friend from BAAM got engaged.
- Watched my grandparents go through difficult things.
- I realized how deeply I hurt when I feel like I’ve been betrayed, or like someone unfairly doesn’t trust me.
- Ran the Disney Star Wars 1/2 marathon and it was amazing.
- Watched “Expectant” music be recorded.
- Played cello on Good Friday and Easter. Miracles happened that weekend.
- Went to NYC to see King Kong and almost witness the leading lady get very hurt or worse. Also witnessed a kid wipe out on some steps and gush blood. Ick.
- Finished Game of Thrones Season 8 and “Endgame.”
- Did a few prayer drives and prayed powerful things I’ve never prayed before.
- I signed up to a crazy 95 miler with five other women, as well as a marathon. Who am I?
- Saw my HS girls in their prom dresses, and went to a senior softball night.
- My friends bought me a number 5 balloon for Cinco de Mayo “Because we know you love these balloons!”
- Visited my grandparents again for Mother’s Day.
- Felt peace beyond my circumstance or understanding, because I wholeheartedly trust Him.
- Did my first Tough Mudder.
- The Lord told me to stop trying to meddle, and then He provided miracle after miracle.
- Incredible and intimate talks with friends.
- Cried at Senior Celebration because these girls taught me how to really love outwardly. And I can’t believe four years has already gone by.
- Got to see another Pentatonix Concert and was blown away.
- Got to see my dad perform in “In the Heights” again.
- Felt something bad would happen on a certain night. It did. But praised for God’s endless protection in never answering those prayers from my past.
- Held my friend’s baby girl and she stole my heart.
- Got to watch some of my high school girls graduate and screamed like a maniac for them.
June 10, 2019 – Today was weird. Grieved leaving year 27. Year 28 seems scary for some reason. But you are faithful. You are steady. You are trustworthy. And I will praise your name forever. Continue to bring newness in all your creative ways. I trust you. Here’s to tomorrow being the start of something new. What will you surprise me with this year, Lord? I can’t wait to find out 🙂