“When you know you know”

I’m not the biggest fan of this phrase.

And I wasn’t going to write about it until after I was married, because what right do I have to claim I don’t like it when I’m not even married?

What if I do have a “When you know you know” kind of meet and greet with my husband?

But this has affected me, so I think it should be talked about.

So here goes.

I love “When you know you know” stories. I think they are magical, God glorifying, and incredible. So if you have one of these stories, please know, I love it!! I eat them up, and love hearing about them.

I don’t like “When you know you know” stories when they’re the only ones being given praise and honor. When other “more common” stories are not given as much excitement, and aren’t used to give God glory because they’re not as “flashy.”

This phrase has caused a lot of pressure and heartbreak in my life. It’s caused me to believe that the only story to have is a “When you know you know” story. And if you didn’t “know,” then that person was wrong for you because you should know.

But what does that mean? To “know”? I honestly don’t think many people can define it, and if they can, they all define it differently from one another. Which is why I think this phrase can be hurtful if these are the only stories being talked about.

Growing up, the love stories I knew about were the perfectly perfect ones. Where everything worked out perfectly. The husband had a dream about his wife and the next day he met her and knew. The wife had made a list and prayed over every characteristic she wanted in a husband and the moment she met him, she knew. Two complete strangers met and within the first few moments of talking, they knew.

Now are these real stories that are incredible and should be praised? ABSOLUTELY! I’m not negating the power and possibility of these stories.

But because these were the only stories talked about and glorified, I expected my experience to be just as easy and simple. And if it wasn’t, it was wrong.

This has caused me to put an insane amount of pressure on myself, and on my relationships. This has caused me to compare myself to others. My relationships to others. And if it didn’t “look like” how I “thought” it should, it was “wrong.”

This pressure caused me to talk myself out of perfectly good and healthy relationships. This pressure caused me to make myself sick, and give myself a completely unsettled feeling because “It wasn’t looking like how I thought it should. It should be easier than this. It should be different than this.”

It wasn’t until an extended season of singleness, that I finally allowed the Lord to break through that lie, and give me peace. He taught me to lay down my expectations and to look to Him for wisdom and understanding. He taught me that the people I had placed so much pressure on and “did things wrong,” had actually done nothing wrong. I had just placed an enormous amount of pressure on them to be a certain way.

He showed me I had placed an enormous amount of pressure on myself for my story to look a certain way. I had just created up all this pressure, and none of it was realistic.

So if you are believing this lie that it has to look a certain way otherwise it’s wrong, I pray you are freed from that. If you are believing a lie that you should just magically “know” like all the cool stories, I pray you are released from that pressure.

Marriage is a choice when you find the person that makes you better and you make them better. Marriage is a choice when you find the person who, when you release yourself from all that pressure, is the person you choose to dedicate your life to. No one is perfect. No one will ever be perfect. Maybe you’ll have a “When you know you know” story. But what if God is just waiting for you to open your eyes and see what He has placed in front of you. Once released from the pressure, what will you see?

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